--- - !ruby/object:Quote author: Patricia Neill info: "" quote: I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not that blonde. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Delta Burke info: "" quote: "If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says : \"I'm cheap!\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Barbara Melser Lieberman info: "" quote: Anyone with more than 365 pair of shoes is a pig. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: Brevity is the soul of lingerie. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Miriam "Ma" Ferguson info: Governor of Texas, 1924 quote: English was good enough for Jesus Christ and it's good enough for the children of Texas. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Anne Lamott info: "" quote: A hundred years for now? All new people. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elayne Boosler info: "" quote: When the sun comes up, I have morals again. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Cathy Ladman info: "" quote: Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Adair Lara info: "" quote: Women who buy perfume and flowers for themselves because their men won't do it are called ``self basting.'' rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Carolyn Green info: "" quote: I don't believe in divorce. I believe in widowhood. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Liz Winston info: "" quote: I rely on my personality for birth control. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lesley Boone. info: "" quote: I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Monica Piper info: "" quote: A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Adrienne Gusoff info: "" quote: Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Agatha Christie info: English mystery author (1890 - 1976) quote: Never do anything yourself that others can do for you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Cythina Nelms info: "" quote: If men liked shopping, they'd call it research. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Zsa Zsa Gabor info: US (Hungarian-born) actress (1919 - ) quote: How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rita Mae Brown info: "US author and social activist " quote: Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jackie Onassis info: "" quote: Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ernestine Ulmer info: "" quote: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Drew info: "" quote: Travel, instead of broadening the mind, often merely lengthens the conversation. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Martha Gellman info: "" quote: The only aspect of our travels that is interesting to others is disaster. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Carole Burnett info: "" quote: I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katherine Hepburn info: "" quote: Life is hard. After all, it kills you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Phyllis Diller info: "" quote: My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elayne Boosler info: "" quote: I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Adrienne Gusoff info: "" quote: If the shoe fits, it's too expensive. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Maryon Pearson info: "" quote: Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Barbara Bush info: US wife of George Bush 1945 (1925 - ) quote: I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that they just about throw up. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Kiser info: "" quote: The sins of the fathers are often visited upon the sons-in-law. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Roseanne Barr info: "" quote: Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Roseanne Barr info: "" quote: In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, ``Sorry, we're open.'' rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Kelly Robinson info: "" quote: Things are always darkest just before they go pitch black. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Stephanie Vanderkellen info: "" quote: If you don't show up at a party, people will assume you're fat. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Susanna Pomeory info: "" quote: If at first you don't succeed, why go on and make a fool of yourself? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Adair Lara info: "" quote: Having something to say is overrated. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ivy Compton-Burnett info: "" quote: Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Alice Roosevelt Longworth info: on Calvin CoolidgeUS author & wit (1884 - 1980) quote: He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: His voice was a intimate as the rustle of sheets. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Bowen info: Irish novelist & short story author (1899 - 1973) quote: Art is one thing that can go on mattering once it has stopped hurting. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Cythina Nelms info: "" quote: Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Liz Smith info: "" quote: You can't build a reputation on what you intend to do. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marlene Dietrich info: German movie actress (1901 - 1992) quote: In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it's a fact. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Wendy Ward info: "" quote: The worst moment for an atheist is when he feels grateful and has no one to thank. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Tallulah Bankhead info: US movie actress (1903 - 1968) quote: Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helena Rubenstein info: "" quote: There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rebecca West info: Irish critic, journalist, & novelist (1892 - 1983) quote: God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Whitehorn info: "" quote: A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dora Russell info: "" quote: We want far better reasons for having children than not knowing how to prevent them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary Wilson Little info: "" quote: Politeness is one half good nature and the other half good lying. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elayne Boosler info: "" quote: Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lilly Tomlin info: as Ernestine the Operator quote: We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Hellman info: US dramatist (1905 - 1984) quote: Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary McCarthy info: "" quote: If someone tells you he is going to make ``a realistic decision,' you immediately understand that he is going to do something bad. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Alice Jones info: "" quote: One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Sheila Graham info: "" quote: The youthful sparkle in Ronald Reagan's eyes is caused by his contact lenses, which he keeps highly polished. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Brigitte Bardot info: "" quote: It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Maraget Turnbull info: "" quote: No man is responsible for his father. That was entirely his mother's affair. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Anita Loos info: "" quote: I'm furious about the Women's Liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edna O'Brien info: "" quote: The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rebecca West info: Irish critic, journalist, & novelist (1892 - 1983) quote: People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marlene Dietrich info: German movie actress (1901 - 1992) quote: Once a woman has forgiven a man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Tallulah Bankhead info: on seeing a former lover for the first time in yearsUS movie actress (1903 - 1968) quote: I thought I told you to wait in the car. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jean Kerr info: "" quote: One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: George Eliot info: English novelist (1819 - 1880) quote: Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Virginia Woolf info: English novelist (1882 - 1941) quote: Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Deborah Martin info: "" quote: Doctors and nurses are people who give you medicine until you die. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Phyllis Diller info: "" quote: If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Wagner info: "" quote: Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jean Kerr info: "" quote: Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Simone Weil info: French social philosopher (1909 - 1943) quote: Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Virginia Woolf info: English novelist (1882 - 1941) quote: The older one grows, the more one likes indecency. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fanny Burney info: "" quote: I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Kate Chopin info: "" quote: There are some people who leave impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Bette Davis info: about a starletUS movie actress (1908 - 1989) quote: She's the original good time that was had by all. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elayne Boolser info: "" quote: When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Man invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Liz Winston info: "" quote: When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Tori Harrison info: "" quote: Rules are for people who don't know how to get around them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: John Updike's mother info: "" quote: If you talk enough, you don't feel you have to _do_ anything. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Claudia Young info: "" quote: If age imparted wisdom, there wouldn't be any old fools. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Becky Rodenbeck info: "" quote: Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nikki Harris info: "" quote: Van Gogh became a painter because he had no ear for music. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Giangregorio info: "" quote: He who laughs last didn't get it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lauren Bacall info: "" quote: In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lauren Bacall info: on being told that a store was not open to the public quote: I'm not the public. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Isadora Duncan info: "" quote: People don't live nowadays --- they get about ten percent out of life. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Iris Murdoch info: British novelist (1919 - 1999) quote: Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the world with new eyes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Francoise Sagan info: French author (1935 - ) quote: Every little girl knows about love. It is only her capacity to suffer because of it that increases. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margot Asquith info: "" quote: She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edna Ferber info: US author (1887 - 1968) quote: Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Irene Thomas info: "" quote: It should be a very happy marriage --- they are both so much in love with him. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Maggie Kuhn info: "" quote: The ultimate indignity is to be given a bedpan by a stranger who calls you by your first name. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margaret Mead info: US anthropologist & popularizer of anthropology (1901 - 1978) quote: Women want mediocre men, and men are working to become as mediocre as possible. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Austen info: English novelist (1775 - 1817) quote: One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Gaskell info: "" quote: A man is so in the way in the house. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Germaine Greer info: "" quote: Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Agatha Christie info: English mystery author (1890 - 1976) quote: Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Austen info: English novelist (1775 - 1817) quote: We met Dr. Hall in such deep mourning that either his mother, his wife, or himself must be dead. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Austen info: English novelist (1775 - 1817) quote: I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me that trouble of liking them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Charlotte Perkins Gilman info: "" quote: In New York City, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Sayers info: "" quote: As I grow older and older, And totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less Who goes to bed with whom. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joyce Jillson info: "" quote: There are times not to flirt. When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: suggested for her tombstoneUS author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: This is on me. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: telegram to friend who had given birthUS author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: "Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Virginia Woolf info: English novelist (1882 - 1941) quote: Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary Wilson Little info: "" quote: Politeness is half good manners and half good lying. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mrs Patrick Campbell info: to George Bernard Shaw quote: When you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said ``hush'' just once. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Karen Horney info: "" quote: Fortunately, psychoanalysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself remains a very effective therapist. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Laurie Jo Wojcik info: "" quote: Daughters go into analysis hating their fathers and come out hating their mothers. They never come out hating themselves. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Harriet Beecher Stowe info: US abolitionist & novelist (1811 - 1896) quote: The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Indira Gandhi info: Indian politician (1917 - 1984) quote: There exists no politician in India daring enough to attempt to explain to the masses that cows can be eaten. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Whitehorn info: "" quote: Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Bette Davis info: on being told that her death was rumoredUS movie actress (1908 - 1989) quote: With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margaret Mead info: US anthropologist & popularizer of anthropology (1901 - 1978) quote: Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Cathy Guisewite info: "" quote: Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Harriet Braiker info: "" quote: Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margaret Mitchell info: US novelist (1900 - 1949) quote: Until you lose your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Celia Green info: "" quote: The way to do research is to attack the facts at the point of greatest astonishment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rosalind Russell info: as Aunti Mame quote: Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Julia Child info: US cook & cookbook author (1912 - ) quote: Noncooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Hellman info: US dramatist (1905 - 1984) quote: My father was often angry when I was most like him. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Amy Heckerling info: "" quote: Babies don't need fathers, but mothers do. Someone who is taking care of a baby needs to be taken care of. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nora Ephron info: "" quote: Whenever I get married I start buying Gourmet Magazine. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Harriet Van Horne info: "" quote: Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nora Ephron info: "" quote: What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marilyn Peterson info: "" quote: You don't die of a broken heart, you only wish you did. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Collette info: "" quote: If I can't have too many truffles, I'll do without truffles. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: M. F. K. Fisher info: "" quote: Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary Queen of Scots info: "" quote: No more tears now; I will think about revenge. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Austen info: English novelist (1775 - 1817) quote: For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Catherine the Great info: "" quote: I shall be an autocrat, that's my trade; and that good Lord will forgive me, that's his. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Iris Murdoch info: British novelist (1919 - 1999) quote: The cry of equality pulls everyone down. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nancy Mitford info: "" quote: I love children --- especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marlene Dietrich info: German movie actress (1901 - 1992) quote: I was raised almost entirely on turnips and potatoes, but I think that the turnips had more to do with the effect than the potatoes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margot Asquith info: "" quote: What a pity, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Rivers info: US comedienne (1935 - ) quote: If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rose Macauley info: "" quote: You should always believe what you read in the newspapers, for that makes them more interesting. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Loretta Lynn info: "" quote: I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Queen Victoria info: "" quote: I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Bette Davis info: US movie actress (1908 - 1989) quote: I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Hannah More info: "1775" quote: Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Bette Midler info: US actress, comedienne, & singer (1945 - ) quote: I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: I feel like a million tonight --- but one at a time. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: book reviewUS author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant --- and let the air out of their tires. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fran Lebowitz info: US writer and humorist (1950 - ) quote: My favorite animal is steak. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Gypsy Rose Lee info: US actress & stripper (1914 - 1970) quote: God is love, but get it in writing. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fran Lebowitz info: US writer and humorist (1950 - ) quote: Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rebecca West info: Irish critic, journalist, & novelist (1892 - 1983) quote: The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: The two most beautiful words in the English language are ``check enclosed.'' rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fran Lebowitz info: US writer and humorist (1950 - ) quote: Nothing succeeds like address. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lina Wertmuller info: "" quote: You should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know that you're always making a choice. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Cornelia Otis Skinner info: "" quote: Women's virtue is man's greatest invention. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ty-Grace Atkinson info: "" quote: The prostitute is the only honest woman left in America. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Madame Curie info: "" quote: I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Annie Sullivan info: "" quote: We all like stories that make us cry. It's so nice to feel sad when you've nothing in particular to feel sad about. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mrs. Patrick Campbell info: "" quote: It doesn't make any difference what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: When women go wrong, men go right after them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marlene Dietrich info: German movie actress (1901 - 1992) quote: Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they don't like him. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Hepburn info: US actress (1907 - 2003) quote: I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margaret Turnbull info: "" quote: When a man meets catastrophe on the road, he looks in his purse, but a woman looks in her mirror. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: It is better to be looked over than overlooked. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Doris Lessing info: "" quote: In university they don't tell you that the greater part of the law is learning to tolerate fools. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: One man's folly is another man's wife. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Gurley Brown info: "" quote: Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edith Evans info: "" quote: When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ruby Manikan info: "" quote: If you educate a man you educate a person, but if you educate a woman you educate a family. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Stevie Smith info: "" quote: This Englishwoman is so refined She has no bosom and no behind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Virginia Woolf info: English novelist (1882 - 1941) quote: I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Virginia Woolf info: English novelist (1882 - 1941) quote: Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Baez info: US folksinger (1941 - ) quote: You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can only decide how you're going to live now. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rosalind Russell info: "" quote: Acting is standing up naked and turning around very slowly. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Diane De Poitiers info: "" quote: The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Collen McCullough info: "" quote: The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five- year-old men more. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Missy Dizick info: "" quote: Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Jane Fonda info: "" quote: My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Agatha Christie info: English mystery author (1890 - 1976) quote: The best time to plan a book is while you're doing the dishes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Isabel Colegate info: "" quote: It's not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone with them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Rivers info: US comedienne (1935 - ) quote: There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Gloria Swanson info: US actress (1899 - 1983) quote: All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Betty Friedan info: US feminist (1921 - 2006) quote: It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Josephine Tey info: "" quote: Lack of education is an extraordinary handicap when one is being offensive. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Barbara Stanwyck info: "" quote: Egotism -- usually just a case of mistaken nonentity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Phyllis Chesler info: "" quote: If it were natural for father to care for their sons, they would not need so many laws commanding them to do so. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Alison Lurie info: "" quote: We can lie in the language of dress or try ot tell the truth; but unless we are naked and bald, it is impossible to be silent. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Laurie Colwin info: "" quote: Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rita Mae Brown info: "US author and social activist " quote: If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edith Wharton info: US novelist (1862 - 1937) quote: If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Xaviera Hollander info: "" quote: The world wants to be cheated. So cheat. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Clare Booth Luce info: US diplomat, dramatist, journalist, & politician (1903 - 1987) quote: There is nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Rivers info: US comedienne (1935 - ) quote: I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Day info: "" quote: A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Jenkins info: "" quote: The woman whose behavior indicates that she will make a scene if she is told the truth asks to be deceived. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Judith Stern info: "" quote: "Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: George Eliot info: a.k.a. Mary Ann EvansEnglish novelist (1819 - 1880) quote: Excessive literary production is a social offense. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nancy Mitford info: "" quote: To fall in love you have to be in the state of mind for it to take, like a disease. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joyce Carol Oates info: US author (1938 - ) quote: In love there are things --- bodies and words. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Iris Murdoch info: British novelist (1919 - 1999) quote: Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ruth Gordon info: "" quote: Never give up and never face the facts. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mignon McLaughlin info: "" quote: In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Shelley Winters info: US movie actress (1922 - 2006) quote: All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Whitehorn info: "" quote: No nice men are good at getting taxis. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Phyllis McGinley info: "" quote: Getting along with men isn't what's truly important. The vital knowledge is how to get along with one man. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Nancy Astor info: British politician (1879 - 1964) quote: The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Farrah Fawcett info: US actress & model (1947 - ) quote: God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Sally Poplin info: "" quote: Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, other just go over them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Judy Garland info: US actress & singer (1922 - 1969) quote: I was born at the age of twelve on an MGM lot. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dame Edith Sitwell info: "" quote: I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Clare Booth Luce info: US diplomat, dramatist, journalist, & politician (1903 - 1987) quote: Politician talk themselves red, white, and blue in the face. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Clare Booth Luce info: US diplomat, dramatist, journalist, & politician (1903 - 1987) quote: They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lady Bird Johnson info: US wife of Lyndon Johnson 1934 (1912 - ) quote: The First Lady is an unpaid public servant elected by one person --- her husband. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lady Mary Wortley Montagu info: English letter author & poet (1689 - 1762) quote: I prefer liberty to chains of diamonds. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Muriel Spark info: British author (1918 - ) quote: One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Janeway info: "" quote: Power is the ability not to have to please. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Susan Sontag info: US author & critic (1933 - 2004) quote: Sanity is a cozy lie. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Barbara Walters info: "" quote: If it's a woman, its caustic; if it's a man, it's authoritative. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Amanda Cross info: US mystery novelist (1926 - ) quote: The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elinor Glyn info: "" quote: Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: George Eliot info: English novelist (1819 - 1880) quote: It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mignon McLaughlin info: "" quote: The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mistinguette info: "" quote: A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. That's the basic spelling that every woman ought to know. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Collette info: "" quote: What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Rivers info: US comedienne (1935 - ) quote: I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Princess Anne info: "" quote: When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth paw the ground and swish my tail --- none of which is easy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Lawrenson info: "" quote: Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: To err is human, but is feels divine. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Kathleen Norris info: "" quote: There are men I could spend eternity with. but not this life. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dr. Joyce Brothers info: US psychologist & television personality (1928 - ) quote: Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Zsa Zsa Gabor info: US (Hungarian-born) actress (1919 - ) quote: I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the ``dahling'' thing got started? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Madame de Sevigne info: "" quote: I fear nothing so much as a man who is witty all day long. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dame Edith Sitwell info: "" quote: I am one of those unhappy persons who inspire bores to the greatest flights of art. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fran Lebowitz info: US writer and humorist (1950 - ) quote: The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Margaret Miller info: "" quote: Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mignon McLaughlin info: "" quote: No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dame Rose Macauley info: "" quote: It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Harriet Van Horne info: "" quote: There are days when any electrical appliance in the house, including the vacuum cleaner, offers more entertainment than the TV set. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Anita Loos info: "" quote: On a plane you can pick up more and better people than on any other public conveyance since the stagecoach. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Fanny Burney info: "" quote: Traveling is the ruin of all happiness! There's no looking at a building after seeing Italy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mae West info: US movie actress (1892 - 1980) quote: Virtue has its own reward, but no box office. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary Webb info: "" quote: If you stop to be kind, you must swerve often from your path. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Hannah Arendt info: US (German-born) historian & social philosopher (1906 - 1975) quote: War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dame Rebecca West info: "" quote: Before a war, military science seems a real science, like astronomy. After a war it seems more like astrology. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Hepburn info: US actress (1907 - 2003) quote: Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marya Mannes info: "" quote: All really great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Naomi Bliven info: "" quote: Behind almost every woman you ever heard of stands a man who let her down. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edna Ferber info: US author (1887 - 1968) quote: A woman can look book moral and exciting ... if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Queen Victoria info: "" quote: The Queen is most anxious to enlist everyone in checking this mad, wicked folly of ``Women's Rights.'' It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Emmeline Pankhurst info: "" quote: The argument of the broken pane of glass is the most valuable argument in modern politics. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Betty Friedan info: US feminist (1921 - 2006) quote: Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Zsa Zsa Gabor info: US (Hungarian-born) actress (1919 - ) quote: The women's movement hasn't changed my sex life. It wouldn't dare. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Coco Chanel info: French fashion designer & perfumer (1883 - 1971) quote: Elegance is refusal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen MacInnes info: "" quote: Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Alexis Carrel info: French biologist & surgeon (1873 - 1944) quote: Everyone makes a greater effort to hurt other people than to help himself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Kathleen Norris info: "" quote: Changing husbands is only changing troubles. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Bell info: "" quote: It is really asking too much of a woman to expect her to bring up her husband and her children too. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Helen Rowland info: " (1876 - 1950)" quote: Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature --- and another woman to help him forget them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marcelene Cox info: "" quote: A sparkling house is a fine thing if the children aren't robbed of their luster in keeping it that way. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Mary McCarthy info: "" quote: People with bad consciences always fear the judgement of children. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Elizabeth Adamson info: "" quote: "Baby: an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Anne Morrow Lindbergh info: "" quote: My passport photo is one of the most remarkable photographs I have ever seen --- no retouching, no shadows, no flattery --- just stark me. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Simone Weil info: French social philosopher (1909 - 1943) quote: To be a hero or a heroine, one must give an order to oneself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Emily Dickinson info: US poet (1830 - 1886) quote: Hope is a thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without words And never stops at all. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Agnes Repplier info: US essayist (1855 - 1950) quote: Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their pedestals. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Rita Rudner info: "US comedian " quote: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Whitehorn info: "" quote: Have you ever taken something out of the clothes hamper because it had become, relatively, the cleanest thing? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marcelene Cox info: "" quote: Eating without conversation is only stoking. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katherine Mansfield info: New Zealand short story author (1888 - 1923) quote: I am treating you as my friend asking you share my present minuses in the hope I can ask you to share my future pluses. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marcelene Cox info: "" quote: Weather means more when you have a garden. There's nothing like listening to a shower and thinking how it is soaking in around your green beans. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Myrtle Reed info: "" quote: Lots of people think they're charitable if they give away their old clothes and things they don't want. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katherine Tynan Hinkson info: "" quote: To be a saint does not exclude fine dresses nor a beautiful house. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marcelene Cox info: "" quote: The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Simone Weil info: French social philosopher (1909 - 1943) quote: All sins are attempts to fill voids. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Carry Nation info: on smoking quote: I want all hellions to quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Anne Frank info: German Jewish diarist (1929 - 1945) quote: Who would ever think that so much went on in the soul of a young girl? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Hellman info: US dramatist (1905 - 1984) quote: I like people who refuse to speak until they are ready to speak. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Lillian Hellman info: US dramatist (1905 - 1984) quote: It it not good to see people who have been pretending strength all their lives lose it even for a minute. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Joan Kerr info: "" quote: When the grandmothers of today hear the word ``Chippendales,'' they don't necessary think of chairs. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Erica Jong info: "" quote: Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow talent to the dark place where it leads. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Katharine Butler Hathaway info: "" quote: If you realize too acutely how valuable time is, you are too paralyzed to do anything. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Agnes Repplier info: US essayist (1855 - 1950) quote: The tourist may complain of other tourists, but he would be lost without them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Pearl Buck info: US novelist in China (1892 - 1973) quote: Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then, Life is dull without it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Simone Weil info: French social philosopher (1909 - 1943) quote: Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people capable of giving them their attention. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Kathleen Norris info: "" quote: When you are unhappy, is there anything more maddening than to be told that you should be contented with your lot? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marcelene Cox info: "" quote: A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorthy Parker info: "" quote: There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: May Sarton info: "" quote: Women are at last becoming persons first and wives second, and that is as it should be. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Gloria Steinem info: US feminist (1934 - ) quote: Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Edna Ferber info: US author (1887 - 1968) quote: Writers should be read but not seen. Rarely are they a winsome sight. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Florynce Kennedy info: "" quote: Don't agonize. Organize. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Grace Hartigan info: "" quote: I don't mind being miserable as long as I'm painting well. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dr. Joyce Brothers info: US psychologist & television personality (1928 - ) quote: Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Marilyn Monroe info: US actress (1926 - 1962) quote: I have too many fantasies to be a housewife. I guess I am a fantasy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Barbara Grizzuti Harrison info: "" quote: I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tunafish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Shirley Temple Black info: "" quote: I stopped believing in Santa Claus at age six when my mother took me to see him in a store and he asked for my autograph. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Candice Bergen info: US television actress (1946 - ) quote: Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Grandma Moses info: "" quote: If I hadn't started painting, I would have raised chickens. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Berta Buxton info: "" quote: The eleventh commandment --- Thou shalt not be found out --- is the only one that is virtually impossible to keep these days. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Gloria Pitzer info: "" quote: In parts of the world, people still pray in the streets. In this country they're called pedestrians. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Dorothy Parker info: US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967) quote: One more drink and I'll be under the host. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne. Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation. For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her: She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her. To History she'll be no royal riddle -- Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle. G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. --Oliver Cromwell rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another. Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. Phela Orm rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another. To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears? But woman's body is the woman. O, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, But heed the warning words the sage hath said: A woman absent is a woman dead. Jogo Tyree" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. Said a man to a crapulent youth: \"I thought You a total abstainer, my son.\" \"So I am, so I am,\" said the scrapgrace caught -- \"But not, sir, a bigoted one.\" G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACCORD, n. Harmony. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. \"My accountability, bear in mind,\" Said the Grand Vizier: \"Yes, yes,\" Said the Shah: \"I do -- 'tis the only kind Of ability you possess.\" Joram Tate" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning. Consigned by way of admonition, His soul forever to perdition. Judibras rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin. \"The man was in such deep distress,\" Said Tom, \"that I could do no less Than give him good advice.\" Said Jim: \"If less could have been done for him I know you well enough, my son, To know that's what you would have done.\" Jebel Jocordy" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AFFIANCED, pp. Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors -- to dislodge the worms. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to. "Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?" She tenderly inquired. "An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife; The fact is -- I have fired." G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALLAH, n. The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the Christian, Jewish, and so forth. Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept, And ever for the sins of man have wept; And sometimes kneeling in the temple I Have reverently crossed my hands and slept. Junker Barlow rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALLEGIANCE, n. This thing Allegiance, as I suppose, Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose, Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed. G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a sawrian. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALONE, adj. In bad company. In contact, lo! the flint and steel, By spark and flame, the thought reveal That he the metal, she the stone, Had cherished secretly alone. Booley Fito rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female tool. They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried. In vain the sacrifice! -- no god will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame. M.P. Nopput rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. Judibras rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697 rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider. When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim: \"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!\" G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up -- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. Jodo Rem rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts -- guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARREST, v.t. Formally to detain one accused of unusualness. God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. _The Unauthorized Version_ rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. "Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get," Consenting, he did speak up; "'Tis better you should eat it, pet, Than put it in my teacup." Joel Huck rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: AVERNUS, n. The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal regions. The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by a lake is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have suggested the Christian rite of baptism by immersion. This, however, has been shown by Lactantius to be an error. _Facilis descensus Averni,_ The poet remarks; and the sense Of it is that when down-hill I turn I Will get more of punches than pence. Jehal Dai Lupe rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians; as Belus or Bel he had the honor to be served by the priest Berosus, who wrote the famous account of the Deluge; as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his glory on the Plain of Shinar. From Babel comes our English word "babble." Under whatever name worshiped, Baal is the Sun-god. As Beelzebub he is the god of flies, which are begotten of the sun's rays on the stagnant water. In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. Is public worship, then, a sin, That for devotions paid to Bacchus The lictors dare to run us in, And resolutely thump and whack us? Jorace rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BACK, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BACKBITE, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BAIT, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BAPTISM, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways -- by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling. But whether the plan of immersion Is better than simple aspersion Let those immersed And those aspersed Decide by the Authorized Version, And by matching their agues tertian. G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BAROMETER, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a bad eye, and its glance was fatal. Many infidels deny this creature's existence, but Semprello Aurator saw and handled one that had been blinded by lightning as a punishment for having fatally gazed on a lady of rank whom Jupiter loved. Juno afterward restored the reptile's sight and hid it in a cave. Nothing is so well attested by the ancients as the existence of the basilisk, but the cocks have stopped laying. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BASTINADO, n. The act of walking on wood without exertion. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined. The man who taketh a steam bath He loseth all the skin he hath, And, for he's boiled a brilliant red, Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed, Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling With dirty vapors of the boiling. Richard Gwow rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BEFRIEND, v.t. To make an ingrate. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "BEHAVIOR, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom's translation of the following lines from the _Dies Irae_: Recordare, Jesu pie, Quod sum causa tuae viae. Ne me perdas illa die. Pray remember, sacred Savior, Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your Death-blow. Pardon such behavior." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars. She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text. "Here's one of an order of cooks," said she -- "Black friars in this world, fried black in the next." "The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712) rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband. Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save; And men -- they honored so the dame -- Upon some stars bestowed her name. But to our modern married fair, Who'd give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recognition's given. There are not stars enough in heaven. G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BILLINGSGATE, n. The invective of an opponent. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Aetna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market -- the fine ones on top -- have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters -- the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena. "One night," a doctor said, "last fall, I and my comrades, four in all, When visiting a graveyard stood Within the shadow of a wall. "While waiting for the moon to sink We saw a wild hyena slink About a new-made grave, and then Begin to excavate its brink! "Shocked by the horrid act, we made A sally from our ambuscade, And, falling on the unholy beast, Dispatched him with a pick and spade." Bettel K. Jhones rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third. Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give. "I need no bondsmen," he replied, "for I can give you my word of honor." "And pray what may be the value of that?" inquired the amused Regent. "Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BOTANY, n. The science of vegetables -- those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill- smelling. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can. A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures. Henry Ward Beecher rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BRAHMA, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva -- a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese, are holy and learned men who are never naughty. O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity, First Person of the Hindoo Trinity, You sit there so calm and securely, With feet folded up so demurely -- You're the First Person Singular, surely. Polydore Smith rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to _be_ something from the man who wishes to _do_ something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the- grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. The cabbage is so called from Cabagius, a prince who on ascending the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the cabbages in the royal garden. When any of his Majesty's measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his murmuring subjects were appeased. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CAMEL, n. A quadruped (the _Splaypes humpidorsus_) of great value to the show business. There are two kinds of camels -- the camel proper and the camel improper. It is the latter that is always exhibited. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CANONICALS, n. The motley worm by Jesters of the Court of Heaven. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat. _Capital Punishment_, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons -- including all the assassins -- entertain grave misgivings. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogito ergo sum_ -- whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: _Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum_ -- \"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;\" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. This is a dog, This is a cat. This is a frog, This is a rat. Run, dog, mew, cat. Jump, frog, gnaw, rat. Elevenson rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager. The inscriptions following will serve to illustrate the success attained in these Olympian games: His virtues were so conspicuous that his enemies, unable to overlook them, denied them, and his friends, to whose loose lives they were a rebuke, represented them as vices. They are here commemorated by his family, who shared them. In the earth we here prepare a Place to lay our little Clara. Thomas M. and Mary Frazer P.S. -- Gabriel will raise her." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse." The best of the lot was Chiron, who to the wisdom and virtues of the horse added the fleetness of man. The scripture story of the head of John the Baptist on a charger shows that pagan myths have somewhat sophisticated sacred history. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance -- against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance. Cerberus is known to have had three heads, and some of the poets have credited him with as many as a hundred. Professor Graybill, whose clerky erudition and profound knowledge of Greek give his opinion great weight, has averaged all the estimates, and makes the number twenty-seven -- a judgment that would be entirely conclusive is Professor Graybill had known (a) something about dogs, and (b) something about arithmetic. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CHILDHOOD, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history -- which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. A busy man complained one day: \"I get no time!\" \"What's that you say?\" Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz; \"You have, sir, all the time there is. There's plenty, too, and don't you doubt it -- We're never for an hour without it.\" Purzil Crofe" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. \"Close-fisted Scotchman!\" Johnson cried To thrifty J. Macpherson; \"See me -- I'm ready to divide With any worthy person.\" Sad Jamie: \"That is very true -- The boast requires no backing; And all are worthy, sir, to you, Who have what you are lacking.\" Anita M. Bobe" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "COENOBITE, n. A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples. O Coenobite, O coenobite, Monastical gregarian, You differ from the anchorite, That solitudinarian: With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick; With dropping shots he makes him sick. Quincy Giles" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COMMENDATION, n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles, but do not equal, our own. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COMPROMISE, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COMPULSION, n. The eloquence of power. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONDOLE, v.i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONFIDANT, CONFIDANTE, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by _him_ to C. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was pouted on his lips to revive him. "Pauillac, 1873," he murmured and died. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure and office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's approval of a course of action already decided on. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CORPORAL, n. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder. Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell, Our corporal heroically fell! Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl And said: \"He hadn't very far to fall.\" Giacomo Smith" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CORSAIR, n. A politician of the seas. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible. In this small fish I take it that human wisdom is admirably figured and symbolized; for whereas the crayfish doth move only backward, and can have only retrospection, seeing naught but the perils already passed, so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to avoid the follies that beset his course, but only to apprehend their nature afterward. Sir James Merivale rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CREDITOR, n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. There is a land of pure delight, Beyond the Jordan's flood, Where saints, apparelled all in white, Fling back the critic's mud. And as he legs it through the skies, His pelt a sable hue, He sorrows sore to recognize The missiles that he threw. Orrin Goof rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do _me_? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: \"The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow -- of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work -- this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of prosperity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CURIOSITY, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: CURSE, v.t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of life insurance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DAMN, v. A word formerly much used by the Paphlagonians, the meaning of which is lost. By the learned Dr. Dolabelly Gak it is believed to have been a term of satisfaction, implying the highest possible degree of mental tranquillity. Professor Groke, on the contrary, thinks it expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight, because it so frequently occurs in combination with the word _jod_ or _god_, meaning "joy." It would be with great diffidence that I should advance an opinion conflicting with that of either of these formidable authorities. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DANGER, n. A savage beast which, when it sleeps, Man girds at and despises, But takes himself away by leaps And bounds when it arises. Ambat Delaso rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DARING, n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in security. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DATARY, n. A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church, whose important function is to brand the Pope's bulls with the words _Datum Romae_. He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of God. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper -- the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEAD, adj. Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Though to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! Squatol Johnes rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEBAUCHEE, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave- driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it. Barlow S. Vode rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. A leaf was riven from a tree, \"I mean to fall to earth,\" said he. The west wind, rising, made him veer. \"Eastward,\" said he, \"I now shall steer.\" The east wind rose with greater force. Said he: \"'Twere wise to change my course.\" With equal power they contend. He said: \"My judgment I suspend.\" Down died the winds; the leaf, elate, Cried: \"I've decided to fall straight.\" \"First thoughts are best?\" That's not the moral; Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel. Howe'er your choice may chance to fall, You'll have no hand in it at all. G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days," which is perhaps why they suffered him to beg his bread -- a marked instance of returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he would certainly have starved. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters. All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee The world turned topsy-turvy we should see; For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies, Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances. Mumfrey Mappel rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DESTINY, n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DICTATOR, n. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "DIE, n. The singular of \"dice.\" We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, \"Never say die.\" At long intervals, however, some one says: \"The die is cast,\" which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew: A cube of cheese no larger than a die May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead -- a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISABUSE, v.t. The present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISOBEY, v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command. His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e'er I shut May I and duty be alike undone. Israfel Brown rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISSEMBLE, v.i. To put a clean shirt upon the character. Let us dissemble. Adam rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DIVINATION, n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce and the early fool. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Dog is a survival -- an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DUCK-BILL, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire. Sir Lavender Portwine, in favor at court, Was wroth at his master, who'd kissed Lady Port. His anger provoked him to take the king's head, But duty prevailed, and he took the king's bread, Instead. G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. "I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner," said Brillat- Savarin, beginning an anecdote. "What!" interrupted Rochebriant; "eating dinner in a drawing-room?" "I must beg you to observe, monsieur," explained the great gastronome, "that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EAVESDROP, v.i. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself. A lady with one of her ears applied To an open keyhole heard, inside, Two female gossips in converse free -- The subject engaging them was she. "I think," said one, "and my husband thinks That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!" As soon as no more of it she could hear The lady, indignant, removed her ear. "I will not stay," she said, with a pout, "To hear my character lied about!" Gopete Sherany rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ECONOMY, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EDIBLE, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other -- which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. Megaceph, chosen to serve the State In the halls of legislative debate, One day with all his credentials came To the capitol's door and announced his name. The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist Of the face, at the eminent egotist, And said: \"Go away, for we settle here All manner of questions, knotty and queer, And we cannot have, when the speaker demands To be told how every member stands, A man who to all things under the sky Assents by eternally voting 'I'.\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection. The most famous English example begins somewhat like this: The cur foretells the knell of parting day; The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea; The wise man homeward plods; I only stay To fiddle-faddle in a minor key." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ELOQUENCE, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ELYSIUM, n. An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians -- may their souls be happy in Heaven! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "EMANCIPATION, n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself. He was a slave: at word he went and came; His iron collar cut him to the bone. Then Liberty erased his owner's name, Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own. G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and rose are languishing for a nibble at his _glutoeus maximus_. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: END, n. The position farthest removed on either hand from the Interlocutor. The man was perishing apace Who played the tambourine; The seal of death was on his face -- 'Twas pallid, for 'twas clean. "This is the end," the sick man said In faint and failing tones. A moment later he was dead, And Tambourine was Bones. Tinley Roquot rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it. Enough is as good as a feast -- for that matter Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter. Arbely C. Strunk rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off -- to Missolonghi. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENVELOPE, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EPICURE, n. An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who, holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time in gratification from the senses. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. Following is a touching example: Here lie the bones of Parson Platt, Wise, pious, humble and all that, Who showed us life as all should live it; Let that be said -- and God forgive it!" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief. Romach Pute rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ESOTERIC, adj. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. The ancient philosophies were of two kinds, -- _exoteric_, those that the philosophers themselves could partly understand, and _esoteric_, those that nobody could understand. It is the latter that have most profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in our time. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EVERLASTING, adj. Lasting forever. It is with no small diffidence that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition, for I am not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of Worcester, entitled, _A Partial Definition of the Word "Everlasting," as Used in the Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures_. His book was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church, and is still, I understand, studied with pleasure to the mind and profit of the soul. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc. "The exception proves the rule" is an expression constantly upon the lips of the ignorant, who parrot it from one another with never a thought of its absurdity. In the Latin, "_Exceptio probat regulam_" means that the exception _tests_ the rule, puts it to the proof, not _confirms_ it. The malefactor who drew the meaning from this excellent dictum and substituted a contrary one of his own exerted an evil power which appears to be immortal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXCESS, n. In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate penalties the law of moderation. Hail, high Excess -- especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me -- My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXCOMMUNICATION, n. This "excommunication" is a word In speech ecclesiastical oft heard, And means the damning, with bell, book and candle, Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal -- A rite permitting Satan to enslave him Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him. Gat Huckle rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador. An English sea-captain being asked if he had read \"The Exile of Erin,\" replied: \"No, sir, but I should like to anchor on it.\" Years afterwards, when he had been hanged as a pirate after a career of unparalleled atrocities, the following memorandum was found in the ship's log that he had kept at the time of his reply: Aug. 3d, 1842. Made a joke on the ex-Isle of Erin. Coldly received. War with the whole world!" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream, Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem: From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: \"O fudge!\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXPERIENCE, n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced. To one who, journeying through night and fog, Is mired neck-deep in an unwholesome bog, Experience, like the rising of the dawn, Reveals the path that he should not have gone. Joel Frad Bink rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. Hassan Brubuddy rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FICKLENESS, n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat. To Rome said Nero: \"If to smoke you turn I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn.\" To Nero Rome replied: \"Pray do your worst, 'Tis my excuse that you were fiddling first.\" Orm Pludge" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London -- "Rubbish may be shot here." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FLESH, n. The Second Person of the secular Trinity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FLOP, v. Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "FORCE, n. \"Force is but might,\" the teacher said -- \"That definition's just.\" The boy said naught but through instead, Remembering his pounded head: \"Force is not might but must!\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FORGETFULNESS, n. A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation for their destitution of conscience. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person -- a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case. When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court (For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented) Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report, He stood and pleaded unhabilimented. \"You sue _in forma pauperis_, I see,\" Eve cried; \"Actions can't here be that way prosecuted.\" So all poor Adam's motions coldly were denied: He went away -- as he had come -- nonsuited. G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. The sea was calm and the sky was blue; Merrily, merrily sailed we two. (High barometer maketh glad.) On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout, The tempest descended and we fell out. (O the walking is nasty bad!) Armit Huff Bettle rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears. The savage dies -- they sacrifice a horse To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse. Our friends expire -- we make the money fly In hope their souls will chase it to the sky. Jex Wopley rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GALLOWS, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it. Whether on the gallows high Or where blood flows the reddest, The noblest place for man to die -- Is where he died the deadest. (Old play) rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GARGOYLE, n. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings, commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building. This was especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures generally, in which the gargoyles presented a perfect rogues' gallery of local heretics and controversialists. Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the new incumbents. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GARTHER, n. An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GENEALOGY, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GENTEEL, adj. Refined, after the fashion of a gent. Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal: A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel. Heed not the definitions your \"Unabridged\" presents, For dictionary makers are generally gents. G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside. Habeam, geographer of wide reknown, Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town, In passing thence along the river Zam To the adjacent village of Xelam, Bewildered by the multitude of roads, Got lost, lived long on migratory toads, Then from exposure miserably died, And grateful travelers bewailed their guide. Henry Haukhorn rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust -- to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GNOME, n. In North-European mythology, a dwarfish imp inhabiting the interior parts of the earth and having special custody of mineral treasures. Bjorsen, who died in 1765, says gnomes were common enough in the southern parts of Sweden in his boyhood, and he frequently saw them scampering on the hills in the evening twilight. Ludwig Binkerhoof saw three as recently as 1792, in the Black Forest, and Sneddeker avers that in 1803 they drove a party of miners out of a Silesian mine. Basing our computations upon data supplied by these statements, we find that the gnomes were probably extinct as early as 1764. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone. A hunter from Kew caught a distant view Of a peacefully meditative gnu, And he said: \"I'll pursue, and my hands imbrue In its blood at a closer interview.\" But that beast did ensue and the hunter it threw O'er the top of a palm that adjacent grew; And he said as he flew: \"It is well I withdrew Ere, losing my temper, I wickedly slew That really meritorious gnu.\" Jarn Leffer" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird's intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an \"author,\" there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GORGON, n. The Gorgon was a maiden bold Who turned to stone the Greeks of old That looked upon her awful brow. We dig them out of ruins now, And swear that workmanship so bad Proves all the ancient sculptors mad. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GRACES, n. Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, serving without salary. They were at no expense for board and clothing, for they ate nothing to speak of and dressed according to the weather, wearing whatever breeze happened to be blowing. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GRAPE, n. Hail noble fruit! -- by Homer sung, Anacreon and Khayyam; Thy praise is ever on the tongue Of better men than I am. The lyre in my hand has never swept, The song I cannot offer: My humbler service pray accept -- I'll help to kill the scoffer. The water-drinkers and the cranks Who load their skins with liquor -- I'll gladly bear their belly-tanks And tap them with my sticker. Fill up, fill up, for wisdom cools When e'er we let the wine rest. Here's death to Prohibition's fools, And every kind of vine-pest! Jamrach Holobom" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student. Beside a lonely grave I stood -- With brambles 'twas encumbered; The winds were moaning in the wood, Unheard by him who slumbered, A rustic standing near, I said: \"He cannot hear it blowing!\" \"'Course not,\" said he: \"the feller's dead -- He can't hear nowt [sic] that's going.\" \"Too true,\" I said; \"alas, too true -- No sound his sense can quicken!\" \"Well, mister, wot is that to you? -- The deadster ain't a-kickin'.\" I knelt and prayed: \"O Father, smile On him, and mercy show him!\" That countryman looked on the while, And said: \"Ye didn't know him.\" Pobeter Dunko" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain -- the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "GREAT, adj. \"I'm great,\" the Lion said -- \"I reign The monarch of the wood and plain!\" The Elephant replied: \"I'm great -- No quadruped can match my weight!\" \"I'm great -- no animal has half So long a neck!\" said the Giraffe. \"I'm great,\" the Kangaroo said -- \"see My femoral muscularity!\" The 'Possum said: \"I'm great -- behold, My tail is lithe and bald and cold!\" An Oyster fried was understood To say: \"I'm great because I'm good!\" Each reckons greatness to consist In that in which he heads the list, And Vierick thinks he tops his class Because he is the greatest ass. Arion Spurl Doke" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "HAG, n. An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes called, also, a hen, or cat. Old witches, sorceresses, etc., were called hags from the belief that their heads were surrounded by a kind of baleful lumination or nimbus -- hag being the popular name of that peculiar electrical light sometimes observed in the hair. At one time hag was not a word of reproach: Drayton speaks of a \"beautiful hag, all smiles,\" much as Shakespeare said, \"sweet wench.\" It would not now be proper to call your sweetheart a hag -- that compliment is reserved for the use of her grandchildren." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HALF, n. One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or considered as divided. In the fourteenth century a heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father Aldrovinus publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would demonstrate the affirmative of the proposition in some signal and unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please Him) upon the body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the negative. Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a viper. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "HANDKERCHIEF, n. A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears. The handkerchief is of recent invention; our ancestors knew nothing of it and intrusted its duties to the sleeve. Shakespeare's introducing it into the play of \"Othello\" is an anachronism: Desdemona dried her nose with her skirt, as Dr. Mary Walker and other reformers have done with their coattails in our own day -- an evidence that revolutions sometimes go backward." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HANGMAN, n. An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a populace having a criminal ancestry. In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered -- the first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HARBOR, n. A place where ships taking shelter from stores are exposed to the fury of the customs. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HASH, x. There is no definition for this word -- nobody knows what hash is. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HATCHET, n. A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk. "O bury the hatchet, irascible Red, For peace is a blessing," the White Man said. The Savage concurred, and that weapon interred, With imposing rites, in the White Man's head. John Lukkus rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HEARSE, n. Death's baby-carriage. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HEAT, n. Heat, says Professor Tyndall, is a mode Of motion, but I know now how he's proving His point; but this I know -- hot words bestowed With skill will set the human fist a-moving, And where it stops the stars burn free and wild. _Crede expertum_ -- I have seen them, child. Gorton Swope rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HELPMATE, n. A wife, or bitter half. "Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?" Says the priest. "Since the time 'o yer wooin' She's niver [sic] assisted in what ye were at -- For it's naught ye are ever doin'." "That's true of yer Riverence [sic]," Patrick replies, And no sign of contrition envices; "But, bedad, it's a fact which the word implies, For she helps to mate the expinses [sic]!" Marley Wottel rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HEMP, n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HERS, pron. His. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, a one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HISTORIAN, n. A broad-gauge gossip. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. Of Roman history, great Niebuhr's shown 'Tis nine-tenths lying. Faith, I wish 'twere known, Ere we accept great Niebuhr as a guide, Wherein he blundered and how much he lied. Salder Bupp rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOMOEOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homocide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for advantage of the lawyers." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOPE, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one. Delicious Hope! when naught to man it left -- Of fortune destitute, of friends bereft; When even his dog deserts him, and his goat With tranquil disaffection chews his coat While yet it hangs upon his back; then thou, The star far-flaming on thine angel brow, Descendest, radiant, from the skies to hint The promise of a clerkship in the Mint. Fogarty Weffing rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOSTILITY, n. A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth's overpopulation. Hostility is classified as active and passive; as (respectively) the feeling of a woman for her female friends, and that which she entertains for all the rest of her sex. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOURI, n. A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul. By that good lady the Houris are said to be held in deficient esteem. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOUSE, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beelte, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe. _House of Correction_, a place of reward for political and personal service, and for the detention of offenders and appropriations. _House of God_, a building with a steeple and a mortgage on it. _House-dog_, a pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appal the hardy visitor. _House-maid_, a youngerly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously disagreeable and ingeniously unclean in the station in which it has pleased God to place her. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HOUSELESS, adj. Having paid all taxes on household goods. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "HOVEL, n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace. Twaddle had a hovel, Twiddle had a palace; Twaddle said: \"I'll grovel Or he'll think I bear him malice\" -- A sentiment as novel As a castor on a chalice. Down upon the middle Of his legs fell Twaddle And astonished Mr. Twiddle, Who began to lift his noddle. Feed upon the fiddle- Faddle flummery, unswaddle A new-born self-sufficiency and think himself a [mockery.] G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick. Lo! the poor humorist, whose tortured mind See jokes in crowds, though still to gloom inclined -- Whose simple appetite, untaught to stray, His brains, renewed by night, consumes by day. He thinks, admitted to an equal sty, A graceful hog would bear his company. Alexander Poke rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane's usefulness has outlasted it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HURRY, n. The dispatch of bunglers. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HYBRID, n. A pooled issue. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n. Depression of one's own spirits. Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps -- "Hypochondriasis." It meant The Dumps. Bogul S. Purvy rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: HYPOCRITE, n. One who, profession virtues that he does not respect secures the advantage of seeming to be what he depises. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: I is the first letter of the alphabet, the first word of the language, the first thought of the mind, the first object of affection. In grammar it is a pronoun of the first person and singular number. Its plural is said to be _We_, but how there can be more than one myself is doubtless clearer the grammarians than it is to the author of this incomparable dictionary. Conception of two myselfs is difficult, but fine. The frank yet graceful use of "I" distinguishes a good writer from a bad; the latter carries it with the manner of a thief trying to cloak his loot. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ICHOR, n. A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of blood. Fair Venus, speared by Diomed, Restrained the raging chief and said: \"Behold, rash mortal, whom you've bled -- Your soul's stained white with ichorshed!\" Mary Doke" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performance, and most strenuously protest that he unbuildeth but doth not reedify, that he pulleth down but pileth not up. For the poor things would have other idols in place of those he thwacketh upon the mazzard and dispelleth. But the iconoclast saith: \"Ye shall have none at all, for ye need them not; and if the rebuilder fooleth round hereabout, behold I will depress the head of him and sit thereon till he squawk it.\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about. Dumble was an ignoramus, Mumble was for learning famous. Mumble said one day to Dumble: \"Ignorance should be more humble. Not a spark have you of knowledge That was got in any college.\" Dumble said to Mumble: \"Truly You're self-satisfied unduly. Of things in college I'm denied A knowledge -- you of all beside.\" Borelli" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ILLUMINATI, n. A sect of Spanish heretics of the latter part of the sixteenth century; so called because they were light weights -- _cunctationes illuminati_. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral. If man's notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from, and nowise dependent on, their consequences -- then all philosophy is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMMORTALITY, n. A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for. G.J. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPARTIAL, adj. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPOSITION, n. The act of blessing or consecrating by the laying on of hands -- a ceremony common to many ecclesiastical systems, but performed with the frankest sincerity by the sect known as Thieves. "Lo! by the laying on of hands," Say parson, priest and dervise, "We consecrate your cash and lands To ecclesiastical service. No doubt you'll swear till all is blue At such an imposition. Do." Pollo Doncas rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IMPUNITY, n. Wealth. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both -- as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. Incompossibility, it will be seen, is only incompatibility let loose. Instead of such low language as "Go heel yourself -- I mean to kill you on sight," the words, "Sir, we are incompossible," would convey and equally significant intimation and in stately courtesy are altogether superior. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INCUMBENT, n. A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things. "You tiresome man!" cried Indolentio's wife, "You've grown indifferent to all in life." "Indifferent?" he drawled with a slow smile; "I would be, dear, but it is not worth while." Apuleius M. Gokul rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "INDIGESTION, n. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the western wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: \"Plenty well, no pray; big bellyache, heap God.\"" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INEXPEDIENT, adj. Not calculated to advance one's interests. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INFLUENCE, n. In politics, a visionary _quo_ given in exchange for a substantial _quid_. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity. "All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay," The good philanthropist replied; "I did great service to a man one day Who never since has cursed me to repay, Nor vilified." "Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight -- With veneration I am overcome, And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate -- He cannot bless you, for AI grieve to state This man is dumb." Ariel Selp rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INJURY, n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INNATE, adj. Natural, inherent -- as innate ideas, that is to say, ideas that we are born with, having had them previously imparted to us. The doctrine of innate ideas is one of the most admirable faiths of philosophy, being itself an innate idea and therefore inaccessible to disproof, though Locke foolishly supposed himself to have given it "a black eye." Among innate ideas may be mentioned the belief in one's ability to conduct a newspaper, in the greatness of one's country, in the superiority of one's civilization, in the importance of one's personal affairs and in the interesting nature of one's diseases. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IN'ARDS, n. The stomach, heart, soul and other bowels. Many eminent investigators do not class the soul as an in'ard, but that acute observer and renowned authority, Dr. Gunsaulus, is persuaded that the mysterious organ known as the spleen is nothing less than our important part. To the contrary, Professor Garrett P. Servis holds that man's soul is that prolongation of his spinal marrow which forms the pith of his no tail; and for demonstration of his faith points confidently to the fact that no tailed animals have no souls. Concerning these two theories, it is best to suspend judgment by believing both. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "INSECTIVORA, n. \"See,\" cries the chorus of admiring preachers, \"How Providence provides for all His creatures!\" \"His care,\" the gnat said, \"even the insects follows: For us He has provided wrens and swallows.\" Sempen Railey" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INSURRECTION, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: INTERREGNUM, n. The period during which a monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne. The experiment of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy persons to make it warm again. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ITCH, n. The patriotism of a Scotchman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel -- than which nothing could be more absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing for a Latin verb, _jacere_, "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr. Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: JEWS-HARP, n. An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "KEEP, v.t. He willed away his whole estate, And then in death he fell asleep, Murmuring: \"Well, at any rate, My name unblemished I shall keep.\" But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought Whose was it? -- for the dead keep naught. Durang Gophel Arn" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: KILL, v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a \"crowned head,\" although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of. A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester: \"If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would fly -- Nor care nor grief to pester.\" \"The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,\" The fool said -- \"if you'll hear it -- Is that of all the fools alive Who own you for their sovereign, I've The most forgiving spirit.\" Oogum Bem" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: KLEPTOMANIAC, n. A rich thief. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "KNIGHT, n. Once a warrior gentle of birth, Then a person of civic worth, Now a fellow to move our mirth. Warrior, person, and fellow -- no more: We must knight our dogs to get any lower. Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be, Noble Knights of the Golden Flea, Knights of the Order of St. Steboy, Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy. God speed the day when this knighting fad Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: KORAN, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system -- an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns. Ah, punster, would my lot were cast, Where the cobbler is unknown, So that I might forget his last And hear your own. Gargo Repsky rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAUREATE, adj. Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral. Of all incumbents of that high office, Robert Southey had the most notable knack at drugging the Samson of public joy and cutting his hair to the quick; and he had an artistic color-sense which enabled him so to blacken a public grief as to give it the aspect of a national crime. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAUREL, n. The _laurus_, a vegetable dedicated to Apollo, and formerly defoliated to wreathe the brows of victors and such poets as had influence at court. (_Vide supra._) rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LAW, n. Once Law was sitting on the bench, And Mercy knelt a-weeping. \"Clear out!\" he cried, \"disordered wench! Nor come before me creeping. Upon your knees if you appear, 'Tis plain your have no standing here.\" Then Justice came. His Honor cried: \"_Your_ status? -- devil seize you!\" \"_Amica curiae,_\" she replied -- \"Friend of the court, so please you.\" \"Begone!\" he shouted -- \"there's the door -- I never saw your face before!\" G.J." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAWFUL, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LEARNING, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end, as in this famous passage from Bella Peeler Silcox: The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades. Cries Pluto, 'twixt his snores: \"O tempora! O mores!\" It should be explained that Mrs. Silcox does not undertake to teach pronunciation of the Greek and Latin tongues. Leonine verses are so called in honor of a poet named Leo, whom prosodists appear to find a pleasure in believing to have been the first to discover that a rhyming couplet could be run into a single line." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LEVIATHAN, n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (_Thaddeus Polandensis_) or Polliwig -- _Maria pseudo-hirsuta_. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Potter, _Thaddeus of Warsaw_. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LIBERTY, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions. The rising People, hot and out of breath, Roared around the palace: \"Liberty or death!\" \"If death will do,\" the King said, \"let me reign; You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain.\" Martha Braymance" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper. In his character of editor he is closely allied to the blackmailer by the tie of occasional identity; for in truth the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species. Lickspittling is more detestable than blackmailing, precisely as the business of a confidence man is more detestable than that of a highway robber; and the parallel maintains itself throughout, for whereas few robbers will cheat, every sneak will plunder if he dare. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LIGHTHOUSE, n. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp." -- Calcraft the Hangman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name -- liver, the thing we live with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg _pate_. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOCK-AND-KEY, n. The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LODGER, n. A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion -- thus: _Major Premise_: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. _Minor Premise_: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds; therefore -- _Conclusion_: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second. This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem -- a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success. 'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men That poor Salmasius died of Milton's pen. Alas! we cannot know if this is true, For reading Milton's wit we perish too. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he \"lost his election\"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has \"lost his mind.\" It is in the former and more legitimate sense, that the word is used in the famous epitaph: Here Huntington's ashes long have lain Whose loss is our eternal gain, For while he exercised all his powers Whatever he gained, the loss was ours." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like _caries_ and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LOW-BRED, adj. "Raised" instead of brought up. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LUMINARY, n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. The Lunarians have been described by Lucian, Locke and other observers, but without much agreement. For example, Bragellos avers their anatomical identity with Man, but Professor Newcomb says they are more like the hill tribes of Vermont. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "LYRE, n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty, as in the following fiery lines of our great poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox: I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre, And pick with care the disobedient wire. That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look. I bide my time, and it shall come at length, When, with a Titan's energy and strength, I'll grab a fistful of the strings, and O, The word shall suffer when I let them go! Farquharson Harris" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MACHINATION, n. The method employed by one's opponents in baffling one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing. So plain the advantages of machination It constitutes a moral obligation, And honest wolves who think upon't with loathing Feel bound to don the sheep's deceptive clothing. So prospers still the diplomatic art, And Satan bows, with hand upon his heart. R.S.K. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGDALENE, n. An inhabitant of Magdala. Popularly, a woman found out. This definition of the word has the authority of ignorance, Mary of Magdala being another person than the penitent woman mentioned by St. Luke. It has also the official sanction of the governments of Great Britain and the United States. In England the word is pronounced Maudlin, whence maudlin, adjective, unpleasantly sentimental. With their Maudlin for Magdalene, and their Bedlam for Bethlehem, the English may justly boast themselves the greatest of revisers. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGNET, n. Something acted upon by magnetism. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGNIFICENT, adj. Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to which the spectator is accustomed, as the ears of an ass, to a rabbit, or the glory of a glowworm, to a maggot. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAGPIE, n. A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MALEFACTOR, n. The chief factor in the progress of the human race. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. One of the most practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though all the famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York. He swore that all other religions were gammon, And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon. Jared Oopf rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MANES, n. The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. They were in a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had exhaled were buried and burned; and they seem not to have been particularly happy afterward. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MARTYR, n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important. Material things I know, or fell, or see; All else is immaterial to me. Jamrach Holobom rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MEANDER, n. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "MEDAL, n. A small metal disk given as a reward for virtues, attainments or services more or less authentic. It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person, that, being asked the meaning of the medal, he replied: \"I save lives sometimes.\" And sometimes he didn't." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. M is for Moses, Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as a rose is The meekness of Moses. No monument shows his Post-mortem inscription, But M is for Moses Who slew the Egyptian. _The Biographical Alphabet_ rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetoric. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: METROPOLIS, n. A stronghold of provincialism. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with. From the Latin _mens_, a fact unknown to that honest shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor over the way had displayed the motto "_Mens conscia recti_," emblazoned his own front with the words "Men's, women's and children's conscia recti." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy and officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MINOR, adj. Less objectionable. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can bear. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MIRACLE, n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society. By misdemeanors he essays to climb Into the aristocracy of crime. O, woe was him! -- with manner chill and grand "Captains of industry" refused his hand, "Kings of finance" denied him recognition And "railway magnates" jeered his low condition. He robbed a bank to make himself respected. They still rebuffed him, for he was detected. S.V. Hanipur rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MISS, n. The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn. In Russia and the Orient the monarch has still a considerable influence in public affairs and in the disposition of the human head, but in western Europe political administration is mostly entrusted to his ministers, he being somewhat preoccupied with reflections relating to the status of his own head. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONEY, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling. The words are commonly Saxon -- that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions. The man who writes in Saxon Is the man to use an ax on Judibras rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated. The bones of Agammemnon are a show, And ruined is his royal monument, but Agammemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its _reductiones ad absurdum_ in monuments "to the unknown dead" -- that is to say, monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MORAL, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency. It is sayd there be a raunge of mountaynes in the Easte, on one syde of the which certayn conducts are immorall, yet on the other syde they are holden in good esteeme; wherebye the mountayneer is much conveenyenced, for it is given to him to goe downe eyther way and act as it shall suite his moode, withouten offence. _Gooke's Meditations_ rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MORE, adj. The comparative degree of too much. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MOUSQUETAIRE, n. A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a might poor way to spell muskeeter. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MULATTO, n. A child of two races, ashamed of both. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration. "In a multitude of consellors there is wisdom," saith the proverb. If many men of equal individual wisdom are wiser than any one of them, it must be that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act of getting together. Whence comes it? Obviously from nowhere -- as well say that a range of mountains is higher than the single mountains composing it. A multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey him; if not, it is no wiser than its most foolish. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment. He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals. By means of the Mummy, mankind, it is said, Attests to the gods its respect for the dead. We plunder his tomb, be he sinner or saint, Distil him for physic and grind him for paint, Exhibit for money his poor, shrunken frame, And with levity flock to the scene of the shame. O, tell me, ye gods, for the use of my rhyme: For respecting the dead what's the limit of time? Scopas Brune" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: MYRMIDON, n. A follower of Achilles -- particularly when he didn't lead. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient. Juno drank a cup of nectar, But the draught did not affect her. Juno drank a cup of rye -- Then she bad herself good-bye. J.G. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "NEGRO, n. The _piece de resistance_ in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to build their equation thus: \"Let n = the white man.\" This, however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NEWTONIAN, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NIRVANA, n. In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NONSENSE, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only be a process of reasoning -- which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls "the endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought." Hurrah (therefore) for the noumenon! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer. Indeed, a writer's attitude toward "obsolete" words is as true a measure of his literary ability as anything except the character of his work. A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OBSTINATE, adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy. The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule, a most intelligent animal. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OCCASIONAL, adj. Afflicting us with greater or less frequency. That, however, is not the sense in which the word is used in the phrase "occasional verses," which are verses written for an "occasion," such as an anniversary, a celebration or other event. True, they afflict us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no reference to irregular recurrence. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OCCIDENT, n. The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OFFENSIVE, adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy. "Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an _old man_. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an _old_ book. "Old books? The devil take them!" Goby said. "Fresh every day must be my books and bread." Nature herself approves the Goby rule And gives us every moment a fresh fool. Harley Shum rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OLEAGINOUS, adj. Oily, smooth, sleek. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous, oleaginous, saponaceous." And the good prelate was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OLYMPIAN, adj. Relating to a mountain in Thessaly, once inhabited by gods, now a repository of yellowing newspapers, beer bottles and mutilated sardine cans, attesting the presence of the tourist and his appetite. His name the smirking tourist scrawls Upon Minerva's temple walls, Where thundered once Olympian Zeus, And marks his appetite's abuse. Averil Joop rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OMEN, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. All acting is simulation, and the word _simulation_ is from _simia_, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for his model _Simia audibilis_ (or _Pithecanthropos stentor_) -- the ape that howls. The actor apes a man -- at least in shape; The opera performer apes and ape. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OPPOSE, v. To assist with obstructions and objections. How lonely he who thinks to vex With bandinage the Solemn Sex! Of levity, Mere Man, beware; None but the Grave deserve the Unfair. Percy P. Orminder rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them." "The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something -- the mortality of the optimist." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude -- a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design. The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OTHERWISE, adv. No better. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OUTDO, v.t. To make an enemy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph." In modern English the word is improperly used to signify any loose and spontaneous expression of popular homage to the hero of the hour and place. "I had an ovation!" the actor man said, But I thought it uncommonly queer, That people and critics by him had been led By the ear. The Latin lexicon makes his absurd Assertion as plain as a peg; In "ovum" we find the true root of the word. It means egg. Dudley Spink rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OVEREAT, v. To dine. Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess, Well skilled to overeat without distress! Thy great invention, the unfatal feast, Shows Man's superiority to Beast. John Boop rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OWE, v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession; it meant "own," and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PALM, n. A species of tree having several varieties, of which the familiar "itching palm" (_Palma hominis_) is most widely distributed and sedulously cultivated. This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver. The metal will adhere with remarkable tenacity. The fruit of the itching palm is so bitter and unsatisfying that a considerable percentage of it is sometimes given away in what are known as "benefactions." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe." The imposture consists in not reading it aloud. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer. When disturbed by his voice the ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his pride of distinction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called "trousers" by the enlightened and "pants" by the unworthy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PASSPORT, n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. O, what's the loud uproar assailing Mine ears without cease? 'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing The horrors of peace. Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it -- Would marry it, too. If only they knew how to do it 'Twere easy to do. They're working by night and by day On their problem, like moles. Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray, On their meddlesome souls! Ro Amil rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PEDESTRIAN, n. The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an automobile. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed \"Perfection,\" promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: \"I don't agree with you,\" and mailed it to Matthew Arnold." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil's objections. A needless precaution -- they knew no more of the matter than he. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PERSEVERANCE, n. A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. "Persevere, persevere!" cry the homilists all, Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl. "Remember the fable of tortoise and hare -- The one at the goal while the other is -- where?" Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace, The goal and the rival forgotten alike, And the long fatigue of the needless hike. His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew, He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place, A winner of all that is good in a race. Sukker Uffro rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHILOSOPHY, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHOENIX, n. The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: "PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence. \"There is no art,\" says Shakespeare, foolish man, \"To read the mind's construction in the face.\" The physiognomists his portrait scan, And say: \"How little wisdom here we trace! He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart, So, in his own defence, denied our art.\" Lavatar Shunk" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PICKANINNY, n. The young of the _Procyanthropos_, or _Americanus dominans_. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PICTURE, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three. "Behold great Daubert's picture here on view -- Taken from Life." If that description's true, Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too. Jali Hane rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion. Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains. Rev. Dr. Mucker (in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman) Cold pie is a detestable American comestible. That's why I'm done -- or undone -- So far from that dear London. (from the headstone of a British nobleman in Kalamazoo) rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles. Judibras rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIG, n. An animal (_Porcus omnivorus_) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians -- who are Hogmies. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction -- prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy of opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLAGIARISM, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague as we of to-day have the happiness to know it is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLAN, v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: Ambrose Bierce info: The Devil's DictionaryUS author & satirist (1842 - 1914) quote: PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I would fain die a dry death. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: What seest thou elseIn the dark backward and abysm of time? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I, thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated To closeness and the bettering of my mind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Like one Who having into truth, by telling of it, Made such a sinner of his memory, To credit his own lie. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: My library Was dukedom large enough. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: From the still-vexed Bermoothes. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I will be correspondent to command, And do my spiriting gently. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Fill all thy bones with aches. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Come unto these yellow sands, And then take hands: Courtsied when you have, and kiss'd The wild waves whist." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Full fathom five thy father lies; Of his bones are coral made; Those are pearls that were his eyes: Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The fringed curtains of thine eye advance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "There's nothing ill can dwell in such a temple: If the ill spirit have so fair a house, Good things will strive to dwell with 't." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A very ancient and fish-like smell. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: He that dies pays all debts. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 3 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A kind Of excellent dumb discourse. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 4 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits, and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on; and our little life Is rounded with a sleep." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Where the bee sucks, there suck I; In a cowslip's bell I lie. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Tempest\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Merrily, merrily shall I live now, Under the blossom that hangs on the bough. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "I have no other but a woman's reason: I think him so, because I think him so." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 1 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: O, how this spring of love resembleth The uncertain glory of an April day! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,If with his tongue he cannot win a woman. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 5 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: How use doth breed a habit in a man! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Two Gentlemen of Verona\", Act 5 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Come not within the measure of my wrath. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I will make a Star-chamber matter of it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "If there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Thou art the Mars of malcontents. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 1 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: We burn daylight. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Why, then the world's mine oyster, Which I with sword will open. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: This is the short and the long of it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 2 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: We have some salt of our youth in us. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I cannot tell what the dickens his name is. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 4 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merry Wives of Windsor\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.... There is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 1 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The hand that hath made you fair hath made you good. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Truth is truth To the end of reckoning. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: They say, best men are moulded out of faults, And, for the most, become much more the better For being a little bad. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Measure for Measure\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: What's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Comedy of Errors\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Much Ado about Nothing\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Much Ado about Nothing\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love: Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues; Let every eye negotiate for itself And trust no agent." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Much Ado about Nothing\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Much Ado about Nothing\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than I. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Love's Labour's Lost\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A man in all the world's new fashion planted, That hath a mint of phrases in his brain. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Love's Labour's Lost\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Love's Labour's Lost\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Love's Labour's Lost\", Act 5 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it, never in the tongue Of him that makes it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"A Midsummer Night's Dream\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: For aught that I could ever read,Could ever hear by tale or history,The course of true love never did run smooth. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"A Midsummer Night's Dream\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Lord, what fools these mortals be! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merchant of Venice\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: When he is best, he is a little worse than a man; and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merchant of Venice\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I dote on his very absence. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merchant of Venice\", Act 1 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: My meaning in saying he is a good man, is to have you understand me that he is sufficient. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merchant of Venice\", Act 1 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Merchant of Venice\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: It is a wise father that knows his own child. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The little foolery that wise men have makes a great show. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Hereafter, in a better world than this, I shall desire more love and knowledge of you. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 1 scene 7Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: I met a fool i' the forest, A motley fool. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 1 scene 7Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: True is it that we have seen better days. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 2 scene 7Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts... rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"As You Like It\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Taming of the Shrew\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en; In brief, sir, study what you most affect. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"All's Well that Ends Well\", Act 3 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: No legacy is so rich as honesty. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"All's Well that Ends Well\", Act 5 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Praising what is lost Makes the remembrance dear. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Twelfth Night\", Act 1 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again! it had a dying fall: O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour!" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Twelfth Night\", Act 3 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"The Winter's Tale\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: What's gone and what's past help Should be past grief. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King John\", Act 3 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King John\", Act 5 scene 7Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: This England never did, nor never shall, Lie at the proud foot of a conqueror. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Richard II\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war, This happy breed of men, this little world, This precious stone set in the silver sea, Which serves it in the office of a wall Or as a moat defensive to a house, Against the envy of less happier lands,-- This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry IV Part I\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as to work. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry IV Part II\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: He hath eaten me out of house and home. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry IV Part II\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry V\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more, Or close the wall up with our English dead! In peace there's nothing so becomes a man As modest stillness and humility; But when the blast of war blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the tiger: Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry V\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry VI Part II\", Act 4 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The gaudy, blabbing, and remorseful day Is crept into the bosom of the sea. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry VI Part III\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: And many strokes, though with a little axe, Hew down and fell the hardest-timbered oak. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Richard III\", Act 4 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: An honest tale speeds best, being plainly told. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Richard III\", Act 5 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings; Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Richard III\", Act 5 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"King Henry VIII\", Act 2 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "'T is better to be lowly born, And range with humble livers in content, Than to be perked up in a glistering grief, And wear a golden sorrow." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Troilus and Cressida\", Act 4 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The end crowns all, And that old common arbitrator, Time, Will one day end it. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Titus Andronicus\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Sweet mercy is nobility's true badge. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Romeo and Juliet\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A plague o' both your houses! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Timon of Athens\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Every man has his fault, and honesty is his. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Beware the ides of March. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "Let me have men about me that are fat, Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights: Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; He thinks too much: such men are dangerous." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: But, for my own part, it was Greek to me. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Et tu, Brute! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: How many ages hence Shall this our lofty scene be acted over In states unborn and accents yet unknown! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 3 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 3 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: For Brutus is an honourable man; So are they all, all honourable men. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Julius Caesar\", Act 4 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: There is a tide in the affairs of men Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 1 scene 3Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: And oftentimes, to win us to our harm, The instruments of darkness tell us truths, Win us with honest trifles, to betray's In deepest consequence. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 1 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Yet do I fear thy nature; It is too full o' the milk of human kindness. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 2 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but A dagger of the mind, a false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The attempt and not the deed Confounds us. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 4 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 4 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: By the pricking of my thumbs,Something wicked this way comes. Open, locks, Whoever knocks! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 5 scene 1Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Out, damned spot! out, I say! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 5 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: "To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing." rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Macbeth\", Act 5 scene 8Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Lay on, Macduff, And damn'd be him that first cries, "Hold, enough!" rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: A little more than kin, and less than kind. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Frailty, thy name is woman! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: But to my mind, though I am native here And to the manner born, it is a custom More honoured in the breach than the observance. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 4Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Leave her to heaven And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, To prick and sting her. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Every man has business and desire, Such as it is. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 1 scene 5Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Brevity is the soul of wit. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! rating: 0 tags: [] - !ruby/object:Quote author: William Shakespeare info: "\"Hamlet\", Act 2 scene 2Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)" quote: The devil hath power To assume a pleasing shape. rating: 0 tags: []