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<html><head><title>Ramblings - Fuzface... - The Internet's a big place and here's some proof...</title></head><body><h1>Fuzface...</h1><h3>The Internet's a big place and here's some proof...</h3>
By: SeanChittenden<br/>
Date: $Date: 2008-07-09 23:35:19 -0600 (Wed, 09 Jul 2008) $<br/>
<p>
I think it's a tragedy that I'm going to start off my new
commentary by talking about facial hair and the Internet.
Something about that just screams pathetic, but whatever: it's
humor and that's life.
</p>
<p>
I've been working at home for a while now, which has been great.
I've been doing a lot of reading, good work, contributing to the
FreeBSD project, and living life at my own pace. The problem?
I don't have to interact with people, so I've let my appearance
slide a bit, most notably I've gone two weeks without shaving
and I have an awful hairy face.
</p>
<p>
Nothing is worse than going for a hard run, coming back, and
then bending your head down so that the hairs under your chin
touch the hairs on your neck. This has to be one of the most
disgusting/gross feelings I've experienced in a while. While
today wasn't the first time I'd experienced such a slimy tangled
mess, it is the first time I seriously considered shaving part
of my face, but not all of it: I was considering a beard.
</p>
<p>
Alright, so it's 5pm and I'm a sweaty post-run mess (it was 110
degrees in direct sunlight according to my thermometer) and
considering the possibility of growing a beard. Swifty nift?
Maybe. This is something I'd never done before, let alone
seriously consider. Normally I'd call my dad for such manly
advice, but he is: a) normally in another state, and; b) in
another country right now probably growing a beard (he's
notorious for coming back from a trip with a gnarly unshaven
face, sometimes he'll shape it into a decent beard). So, what's
a tech-junkie to do? Hop on the Internet and see if Google's
able to provide me with some inspiration.
</p>
<p>
Sure enough, I typed in "pictures of bearded men" and I was able
to find something: 14,000 pages of something to be exact.
Anyway, so most of these were rinky dink sites, a few of them
had some promise. One guy was trying to start a tradition where
everyone grows a beard for New Years. As I was scrolling down
the page trying to find some pictures, my mind was having the
following thought process: <i>This seems like a dumb
idea... New Years provides a perfectly good excuse to kiss some
total stranger that you've had your eye on for the duration of a
New Years party. Why waste such an opportunity with a crappy
kiss?</i> And at about this point I said this page sucks,
and flipped back to my search results.
</p>
<p>
Since I'd never done this before, I didn't know what was
fashionably correct in terms of where a guy should shave under
his neck, or what the deal was... I knew there were lots of
styles out there, just none that I could picture in my mind
(save maybe Santa Claus and a few really gnarly beards that are
long enough to be used as full-body covering. Oooh! And don't
forget the Russian and Amish beards, those stand out in my mind
too.). Google, being pretty comprehensive, and the Internet
being huge, found the exact screwball page I was looking for:
http://fuzface-gallery.tripod.com/
</p>
<p>
I don't know if I really should be amazed at the sheer number of
entries that Google returned, or that the Internet is big enough
to house such random gallery of crap, but it is and it never
ceases to amaze me... it's almost as amazing as the fact that
some bozo spent the time to create such a page. Don't people
have lives? Oh wait, I just visited his page... so back to my
diatribe...
</p>
<p>
There were tons of faces, lots of men, lots of hair, and plenty
of styles to choose from. Page after page of faces and hair.
Ugh. This wasn't getting any where and I was now entertaining
the rebound though of shaving my head. Time to close my browser
and hop in the shower: I reak. So what'd I do? Well, after
looking through enough of those pictures, I decided a few
things:
</p>
<p>
<ol><li>
I'm amazed that the Internet is big enough to foster the
creation of such random and utterly useless information. Then
again, I've been on and using the Net since '95, so this
shouldn't surprise me that much.
</li><li>
There are a lot of guys out there with varying tastes in,
shall we say, "facial hair styles," most of which I find
pretty unappealing.
</li><li>
I don't like beards. After one clogged drain, two
reapplications of shaving cream, and a few pases with the
razor, it took me about 5-10 minutes to get a nice cleanly
shaven face.
</li><li>
<crass comment>And - back me up here fellas, you can
sympathize with this feeling after you get done looking
through a magazine for a hair-cut style (ladies.. just smile
and nod and pretend you care) - after looking at a few dozen
pictures of men, I was able to safely reaffirm my desire for
heterosexual relations (translation from Bill Clintonese: have
sex with a woman). And with that thought in mind, I began to
pine for the college porn collection of old. Mmmm,
Playboy.</crass comment>
</li></ol>
</p>
<p>
::grin:: Until next time. -Sean
</p>
<p>
P.S. To the guys out there with beards, this is just my
opinion: take it with a grain of salt.
</p>
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